that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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