if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
