I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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