The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
