shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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