1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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