If i come over, it means nothing
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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