there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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