I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
