You can't motorboat a personality
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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