Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
