in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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