...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
