He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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