I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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