I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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