I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
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i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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