Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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