all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
