So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
