"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
