I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
