if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
its liver damage thursday
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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