six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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