she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
