Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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