I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
