so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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