I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So many bounce houses so little time
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
