I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
