My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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