I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
