Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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