this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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