Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
