Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize