New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
