I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
