I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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