i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
