I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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