I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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