I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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