Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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