I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
