i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
