i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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