I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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