I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
