It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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