This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
