How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
