No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
