He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
