just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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