This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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