mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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