Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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