She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
