cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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