I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
