I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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