She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
