hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
