I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
