Can Purell be used as lube?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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